I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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