sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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