Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
