I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
