how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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