you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
