We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Randomize
