Barsexuality is the new black.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
