Got a toothbrush?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
