he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
