A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
