the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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