just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
