I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My balls are so social today.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
