What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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