Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Randomize
