do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
