It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
