there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
