I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
