Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
