Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
