Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
