Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
