I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
