my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
