If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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