Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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