i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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