I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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