I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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