I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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