I am puke
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
