just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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