Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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