Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
