bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
