I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So much rum. So many feels.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
