so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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