I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
