Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
