I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
