I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
