I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
