Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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