Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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