How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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