I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my poor anus
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I smell like Dick and happiness
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
