woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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