I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
