I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
