I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
