At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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