# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
