Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
