Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
